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Stereo Shelf: Part III of My Search for the Perfect Literary Boyfriend

February 13, 2011

Hooray! We’ve reached part III of this series which means we’ve past the halfway point of round 1: Gather the Candidates. If you’re new to this series or need a refresher I recommend clicking here and here or just winging it. There is 1 day until the dreaded holiday that will go unnamed, can I find my perfect literary boyfriend in time? What will said perfect literary boyfriend and I do on Monday (If I find him in time which isn’t looking likely)? Will I abandon him for homework? Or will we have a wonderful ‘fake date’? Time will tell.

So let’s get started on the shelf that houses my stereo, 63 books and 2 ballet grade books that are glorified pamphlets. 63! Holy frak! Don’t worry not all of them are eligible. The ones that aren’t eligible are: Tom Sawyer Abroad by Mark Twain (unread), Generous Hearts and Gentle Spirits by Janie Parker and Dee Parker-Davis (Autobiography), Ballerina: My Story by Darcy Kistler (Autobiography), A Ballet dictionary, Mary-Kate and Ashley: Our Story (Biography), 3 Lizzie McGuire books (based on a the greatest tween Tv series ever. Sorry Gordo you were awesome), 2 Mary-Kate and Ashley Two of a kind books (Are these based on a show or real life? Who knows?), Winning London novelization (Mary-Kate and Ashley movie. That’s what I grew up on Mary-Kate and Ashley, Lizzie McGuire and just a little bit of Britney Spears), Love, Ruby Lavender by Deborah Wiles (unread), The Girls by Amy Goldman Koss (unread), What Will Happen in Harry Potter 7 By Mugglenet.con (Nonfiction), Vision in White by Nora Roberts (unread), Wuthering Weights by Emily Brunte (unread) and historical fiction (3 And they’re American Girl ones. Romance=zipo) novels and assorted horse ones. (One reference book and 11 ‘Pony Club’ books that I’m excluding because I don’t think they’re avalible to people who didn’t have a Pony Club membership. *Just checked their sight and I WANT! haven’t been a member in years and I still want more of those books! Horse addiction is back full force!* You can buy them on Amazon but I doubt their popularity at say, libraries.) I’m also excluding books I’ve read but had little romance in it: A Little Princess by Frances Hodgens Burnett, King of the Wind by Margaret Henry, Dolphin Diaries: Dancing the Seas by Lucy Daniels and Journey to American by Sonia Levitin because none of the good romance stuff (If there was any) would have happened until Silver Days the sequel. I’m also going to exclude Holes by Luis Satcher as I don’t remember liking any of the guy characters in that book right off. (Plus this post really needs to get finished and published already.)

Phew! That’s a lot. But if we factor out all of the ‘disqualified’ books that only leaves me with 32 to review. A much more manageable number by far considering 16 of them are part of the same series which I’ll review first.

1. Thoroubred Created by Joanna Campbell. Owned Ashleigh’s Thoroughbred Collection: Star of ShadowBrook Farm, Thoroughbred Anniversary Edition: Ashleigh’s Hope, Thoroughbred Super Edition: Samantha’s Journey and Ashleigh’s Christmas Miracle along with Thoroughbred 2-4, 8-12, 15-17 & 19. The Candidates: Mike Reese and Tor Nelson.

I was obsessed with horses when I was a young teen (Incase you skipped over the opening monologe because it was long). I was heartbroken when at age 12 I was a good 3 inches too tall to be a jockey (and growing). Also Steeplechase and regular horse racing were forbidden careers according to my mother as they were ‘too dangerous’ so I lived vicariously through books. Now I don’t remember much about the boys as I was focused on the horses and the women who rode them to victory but I do remember a couple key points. Mike Reese was a great dad in later books (+1) and when Ashliegh gave birth to their daughter Christina he drove a horse drawn carraige to pick her up as the snow fell. Most romantic thing ever! (+1) Also he was great with horses. (+1) We’ll leave Mike with a respectable 3 and a gold star. Tor Nelson had similar qualities, great with horses (+1) but that’s about all I remember other than the fact that he was really supportive of Samantha when she was dealing with painful memories involving her mother’s death. (+1) Oh how naive I was! Caring more about horses than boys. Pff. (When did I stop? Life was so good back then!)

2. The Black Stallion & The Young Black Stallion series by Walter Farly & Steven Farly Owned: The Black Stallion, The Black Stallion Revolts, The Black Stallion’s Courage, The Black Stallion’s Ghost, The Black Stallion and the Girl, The Young Black Stallion: The Promise, A Horse Called Raven and Wild Spirit. The Candidate: Alec Ramsey!

What character from the many, many horse books I read in my youth did I love the most? Alec Ramsey! He had everything, a great career as The Black’s owner/jockey (+1), awesome adventures involving Arabia, swamps and amnesia to name a few (+1), and as we see in the very first book, he learned some impressive survival skills when he was young. Nothing says helpful when the world ends like being able to survive on a deserted island with your horse at a young age. (+1) He and The Black have a bond that transendes the love of any human couple that ever was. And if a human girl was ever worth half of the affection and devotion his horse does than…yeah most amazing relationship ever! The young Black Stallion books don’t have as much to do with Alec as the other books but he was once described as the most mature 20 something (I can’t remember his actual age at the moment) Danielle’s mother had ever met so that’s another plus. (Danielle was the main character in this spin off series, Alec bought her family’s ranch.) This gives Alec 4 points. Okay 5 because he’s like the perfect age and I’m madly in love with him even after all these years shortness aside.

3. Phantom Stallion #14 Moonrise by Terri Farley. The Candidate: Jacob ‘Jake’ Ely

Samantha, our main character’s best guy friend. Jake is shy and expresses himself in as few words as possible. His indian heritage makes him a great tracker, so great he helps the police on cases in later books (Plus 1 for apocalypse survival). Horse nut, plus 1. Minus 1 for being the inadvetent reason Sam was hurt prior to the series’ begining and moved to San Fransisco for two years. Because of this he is way over protective. Tall. (Plus 1) Let’s stop at 2 points. We have to keep this post moving and I’m running out of info on Jake Ely.

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4. Castaways of the Flying Dutchman by Brian Jacques. The Candidate: Ben

Brian Jacques passed away last week and the world is sad. For full details on this awsome book click here. I’ll just skip over the details as nothing I say will do this book justice. Ben was an orphan who’s now cursed to never age and travels the world with his dog Ned who he can now communicate with telepathically. He’s a great hero and the adventures he and Ned have are pretty awesome. There are 3 books in the series but this first one is defidently the best. I highly recomend. We’ll give Ned a 3.

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5. Superfudge by Judy Blume. The Candidate: Peter Hatcher

You can keep your Forever and your Hey God it’s me Margaret but the most influential Judy Blume books of my youth were the ones depicting the life of Peter and his younger brother Fudge. Superfudge is by far the best of the lot. Peter and I both had younger siblings who were spoiled by our parents and we shared older sibling expieriences. However he is so young, twelve at the end of the series and it was practically my bible at one point, Peter can hardly be viewed as a love interest. He’s more like a brother. So Peter Hatcher, elligable you are not. Sorry dude.

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6. The Princess Bride by William Goldman a.k.a. THE GREATEST BOOK EVER (and the basis for the greatest MOVIE ever) The Candidate: Wesley!

He came back from the dead (+1), became The Dread Pirate Roberts (Pirates are hot. +1), saved Buttercup’s life (+1), survived torture (+1 good for the apocaypse as it means he’ll be less likely to whine), discovered the secrets of the Fire Swamp (+1), bested a Spaniard at swords (+1), beat a giant in combat (+1), can resist deadly poison all the while never once stopping to say ‘this is hard, I’m going to find a different girl to love now.’ (+3) But not nessicarily in that order. You see why this book is Soooo awesome? Someone needs to do a parody of THIS so it talks about the Princess Bride so I can be forever happy. Wesley appears to have no flaws, his frank manner is part of his charm. Therefore I give him a rating of 10 which is a new record. This book is so awesome.

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7. The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgens Burnett. The Candidate: Dickson

I love the idea of having a secret garden and fixing it up with a guy. A guy who’s good at growing things would be helpful to have in the event of the apocalypse. (Never stop worrying about the apocalypse people.) Not remembering much else about Dickson except that he was nice. The characters are too young to really be love interests or be interested in love interests. Dickson- disqualified.

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Photo Source: http://i43.tower.com

8. Sister of the Bride by Beverly Cleary. The Candidates: Tootie Bodger and Bill Cunningham

Saddly neither boys are all that great thou Tootie ranks slightly higher than Bill despite the name Tootie. (He should be disqualified for the name alone.) Tootie is tall and a rather gloomy trombone player. Bill has a Vespa (They had these in the 60’s, who knew?) and mistakes cookie baking as being domestic. Hottie just because we can bake doesn’t mean we can sew, case in point my mother. I’m going to give both boys a 2 mainly because that’s all I really remember about them and who wants to be stuck in the post 50’s ‘house wife’ era?

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9. The Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis. Owned The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe & The Last Battle. The Candidates: Peter & Edmund Pevensie

Best childhood books ever! Since The Last Battle has EVERYONE in it I’ll stick to The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe. Ok Edmund gets a point off right off the bat for the whole ‘selling out my siblings for Turkish Delights’ thing. And being kinda moody. Well Peter gets a point off for being bossy so while these boys are amazing they are flawed which makes them perfect as they are flaws I can live with. I think both boys should be advanced to the next round for the following reasons; movie versions=hot, awesome warrior skills= hot + good for the apocalypse, great kings, good people once you get passed the being bossy and selling out for dessert things. And magic world! +2 automatically. For ranking’s sake we’ll give Peter a score of 5 and Edmund a score of 4. (BTW, the Voyage of the Dawn Treader movie was made of win.) Did I mention the boys looked way adorable in their ‘English’ clothes? Oh yeah they’re English, add a point to their existing scores just for being English.

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10. Tuck Everlasting by Natalie Babbitt. The Candidate: Jesse Tuck

This story is kind of depressing. If you know someone who wishes to be imortal forever more have them read this book. This book should also be read by selfish corporate people. The Tucks are imortal and are protecting the very spring that gave them imortality. That’s all I remember. I think Jesse really liked Winifred but his family had to leave when they were about to be exposed. The more recent movie version of Jesse was good looking from the parts I saw (And featured Alexis Bledel in period clothing). This book while good, really makes you rethink your wish to be immortal. We’ll give Jesse 2 points for deep, profound thought provoking.

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11. A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle. The Candidate: Calvin O’Keefe

Another childhood classic. I made a reference to tessering awhile back and my friend was like ‘What’s that?’ I was forced to inform her that she’d lived a very deprived childhood. She still doesn’t get tessering. Anyhoo Calvin looks about as good as a tall & red headed 14 year old boy can look. If memory serves his movie version was pretty good looking. (I know I’m fickle.) He gets an extra point for liking Meg when she thinks very little of herself. He has the potential for telepathy which is a plus cause it’s cool as long as no one’s using it on you. Extra bonus points for not completely freaking out during the events of the book, quiting, or turning evil. We’ll give Calvin a 3.

Defidently not my best work here but we have to keep moving forward because next post…is THE post. The post with (Drumroll)….THE MEG CABOT NOVELS!!!!!!!!!!! Ok so which characters from this section is advancing to round 2? Well, Alec Ramsey with 5 points, Wesley with 10 points and a new record, Peter & Edmund Pevensie with 6 and 5 points respectably. Not the best I’ve done when it comes to reviewing but those are the 4 boys that are advancing. Next post Chick Flicks vs. Mysteries & Harry Potter will be a LONG one. But some of my prides and joys are in that section so I have high hopes for it. What are your thoughts on today’s selection of guys? Hit me up with thoughts, corrections and suggestions.

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